Friday, March 18, 2011

Tears have to dry on their own

So life is getting more hectic faster than I can adapt to it and I just wanna yell and scream. Been a tough fucking semester and now spring break is coming up. I have no life, no friends, no phone, no job... this does not spell fun nor contentment. It kind of spells out depression. I keep praying for a break. Please let me catch a break doing something... this shit be really fucked up and I don't know what to do. I'm dying inside and I don't know how to fucking fix it. Within myself I feel like everything is so fragile but on the outside looking in I'm an impenetrable fortress... nothing will get in and what's in will never get out.
You know that cliche phrase "No one understands." I feel like that fits me so much right now. I try to help them understand, they say they get it and I listen to them... but in the end, they don't know what they fuck they're talking about. They tell me shit I already know and  I'm like "Yeah I know that but how do I fix it?" They don't know how to fix it... they just seem to know how to identify it. I don't need that I need a SOLUTION! People think they are fucking psychotherapists or some shit like that... No. How can you tell me about myself and you don't even know me. The closest person who understands what I'm going through is seems to be getting tired of hearing it, that's just how I feel but that's cool but that just makes me more closed off to everyone. The one person who tried to understand but was always there helping me through it is now deceased so does that mean I'm battling this alone again?