Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Dear Diary: 3811

I had a bad day yesterday... I'm still not feeling too good. My phone is off.... I think... Don't know don't care I lost it in my bed anyways. I was supposed to make a "cheat sheet" to study from... but I fell asleep because I'm tired of feeling inadequate with everything I do. When I woke up... 2 missed calls and 3 messages from skype... boys probably calling me for no reason. I'll pass. I'm starting to feel very cynical... I feel like I have to have my alter ego completely separate from me to get through a day without being depressed. I used to be depressed all the time and that's like a prison of the mind, I do NOT want to go back there again. I'm trying my hardest to stay above water but it's like treading water in concrete sneaks. Sometimes I feel like people think I'm just complaining and bullshitting... straight bitchin and whinin all the time... just they don't walk in my shoes... shit is hard and I'm not even complaining about that. I worried about feeling down again. I try to stay positive but it seems like that's not really in style for me... I've changed, I've grown, can you not see it? Less foolish rants, less male bashing... only thing I've done more of is wish for a companion... but I don't even care about that void anymore... it's a lost cause but I just want to be happy. That's the point of it all.

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