Thursday, November 24, 2011

eyes wide shut.

fuck this artificial light... I feel like I'm in an incubator waiting to hatch into a better reality. It's just blaring down on me, my eyes get blurry as if I'm supposed to be nocturnal or something. Pitiful. I guess I spend too much of my "spare time" with my eyes closed trying to live in a dream where I can make shit happen... because I sure can't make it happen in real life.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I wanna dive.

So recently I've built up and incredible urge to go diving. Yeah I know, middle of autumn, the Great Plains... how and why would I have built up the urge to dive and if I could where would I even go to dive? Well anybody who knows me should know that I love almost all things aquatic. I saw a flyer at school for discount scuba lessons and discovered DiVentures. Now I don't have the money nor time right now but I'm at least aware of it. I AM TOTALLY GONNA TRY IT. Ultimately I want to go diving in Austria's Green Lake which is dry land for half of the year and underwater for the other have. I'm kind of excited in advance now.

Monday, October 24, 2011


So I recently discovered a website that is just screams me and every since last week I have been hooked to it. I only wished I had learned of it sooner! The website is called and it's a place where you can keep track of the books you have read, get recommended different books based on the ones you have read and also read reviews, answer trivia, meet friends with your same interest in books and win free books. I'm not so sure how I stumbled upon this website but I think I was just browsing pictures of books and BAM, there it was. Everyone who knows me should know how much I love books, I mean... in my book, books come before boys and clothes (did I really say that? *looks over shoulder*) and that's saying something.  I just wish I had unlimited access to all the books I've just so recently discovered, the libraries all over this town suck ape balls! So anyway, my new addictive website... add me if you have one.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Operating without my consent

I wish I knew what's wrong, instead I say "I'm fine."
I say too much I don't mean; I'm laughing all the time.
Nobody sees the difference; I know I'm not the same.
I guess it's just a reflex: defenses for the pain.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

My Life as of 10.2.11

It is now the second day of October and my mind is running rampant with complete chaos. I cannot focus on one thing at a time, I'm a natural multitasker but still I'm hopping to the next thought before I even finish the first one.  I have to keep making lists to keep my mind straight, but then I just end up with a list of lists. Things get even more complex by the minute. I must update more.
   I've been having a down week I think. My mood has been off (and no its not some freaky PMS shit. Don't even.) Last weekend my bestest friend (don't judge me) came to visit, of course it was for a funeral but that's besides the point. The little time we did have together was cool. Dukes called him for a wake but it's understandable. I had a life for once that weekend. This weekend though... horrendous. I almost began to hate driving. People here don't know what turning signals are, I swear they give anybody a license in this town because when I got mine I was overly prepared. Driving on these roads made me never want to drive again! I'm glad my insurance company didn't see those roads because they would be trying to up my price as a liability. NO sir.
   My good friend Talisha had a house warming party that I didn't get to make it to but I still got in touch with her and told her I would have to visit her soon. She's doing great for herself, in my opinion. Good job, nice home (from what I heard) and she's in school now. That sounds like success to me. I only got one out of the three and I know I'm "still young" but I just want to be prepared so that I can live my life while I'm still young and not worry worry worry and then live when I'm too old to be doing some things... like streaking or partying with college kids at spring break when I'm old enough to be one of their mothers haha. I just wanna be ready to live when life presents those opportunities.

Monday, September 26, 2011


I wanna join a cause and raise awareness maybe for AiDS or deafness or keeping art in schools or something for Africa. I don't yet. I feel like I need something to support and stand for when I'm being major selfless.