Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I'm Really Happy For You
People always say you act different when you get into a relationship but can you really expect for nothing to change? The thing is that when you're in a relationship you have other obligations and you center around a certain person to aside from the rest. You can't possibly be exactly the same. I hate it when my close friends get into a relationship because then I'm just left alone without my usual companion or I'm the third wheel in their relationship. Being left alone is the worst because then you have no where to turn to. Your friend who used to spend the most time with you is now barely seen with you any longer. Makes you feel like you're old news, like you just get dropped like yesterday's newspaper and that's a problem you would have to deal with yourself because you friend has other priorities. Another problem is feeling like you're the third wheel. You're friends still want you around, to kind of show you that they haven't changed but that doesn't work. You just feel like leaving because you're out of place, like you're not wanted. Another downside of your friend being in a relationship was that you can feel used. You always have time for your friend and they always had time for you, now they only talk to you when they have a problem. That's not fair to me and ultimately ends up tearing me apart on the inside. I'll admit, I'm not jealous. I'm glad you have someone. Seriously, I'll miss the times when we were the main focus of our lives but now I guess we have to push that aside for someone else... I'm really happy for you.
Same Cast, Same Stories, Different Titles
I'm sure we all know those movies with the all black cast telling stories about long time friends falling in love and living happily ever after... my question is what happens after that?? Those movies are filled with so many problems and issues. They show the exact examples of what can go on in a relationship and what can go wrong in the movie itself. Do they really expect me to believe that the long time friends who end up together actually will stay together, after all the shit I just witnessed in the movie??!! Hell naw. I'll pass on that one. I'm pretty sure inquiring minds want to know do they stay together or don't they because I have reason to believe it is the latter of the two. My other question would be why does it always take that long for the couple to get together? They've been friends since the beginning of time! How long does it take to realize you love somebody? My last question would be does this happen in real life? Usually people say "That stuff only happens in the movies" but does this happen in real life? I have too many questions left unanswered after I watch those movies, what happens when the smoke and cameras disappear??
Find yourself, then be yourself.
Don't you hate when you work really hard on something just for somebody else to mimic it and take credit for the originality? I feel like that a lot. I work really hard on shit or some shit I don't even try I'm just being myself and people want to copy. I know they say "Imitation is the highest form of flattery" or something like that but not to me, that shit is just plain annoying. I'm not going to say anyone is trying to be me or anything like that but why take the things that I do, on the regular and integrate them into your lifestyle? That's not you at all. Please. I'm not talking about stealing pictures or music or something of that sort but stealing characteristics from someone? What the fuck is that all about?? Shame. Find yourself, then be yourself. That's what I had to do and I'm still working on it... don't take my progress in any way and claim the rights as your own.
I Am An Animated Marionette
I think I should try living life carefree… like everyday is my last. I need to love more people and let them go also. I need to take more risks before over thinking it. I need to live like I’m invincible in order to feel… I’ve been so depressed through the years that I transitioned to a position of contentment and I’m not even sure what to think of it… still not happy though. I want to smile genuinely more than I frown. I want to get over things with the snap of my fingers and keep it moving…never missing a beat. When is my life gonna start? I just wanna feel… something instead of walking around like a soulless drone going through the motions of real human being. This summer I need life.
Dear Diary: 3811
I had a bad day yesterday... I'm still not feeling too good. My phone is off.... I think... Don't know don't care I lost it in my bed anyways. I was supposed to make a "cheat sheet" to study from... but I fell asleep because I'm tired of feeling inadequate with everything I do. When I woke up... 2 missed calls and 3 messages from skype... boys probably calling me for no reason. I'll pass. I'm starting to feel very cynical... I feel like I have to have my alter ego completely separate from me to get through a day without being depressed. I used to be depressed all the time and that's like a prison of the mind, I do NOT want to go back there again. I'm trying my hardest to stay above water but it's like treading water in concrete sneaks. Sometimes I feel like people think I'm just complaining and bullshitting... straight bitchin and whinin all the time... just they don't walk in my shoes... shit is hard and I'm not even complaining about that. I worried about feeling down again. I try to stay positive but it seems like that's not really in style for me... I've changed, I've grown, can you not see it? Less foolish rants, less male bashing... only thing I've done more of is wish for a companion... but I don't even care about that void anymore... it's a lost cause but I just want to be happy. That's the point of it all.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Today I fell in love with Miguel.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)