Nobody Can Hurt You Like Your Friends...

You want to know my feelings? I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know how I look from the outside looking in but on the inside I'm troubled with things just like everybody else. Why do I feel like no one understands me? Out of all the basic problems in my life and out of all the people in this world... no one understands me? Only like one person gets it. That should be enough but I've gotten into the mind state that no one does so I don't want to harass him with my sad tales and pessimistic thoughts. That's just one battle in my mind, Tell the only person who gets me what's troubling me when it's troubling me or keep it to myself because he's only human and his life doesn't revolve around me and my problems? I would end up keeping it to myself :( Another thing, my friends put my down intentionally and unintentionally. I confront them on the unintentional ones but on the intentional ones what do I say? They know what they're doing then... it's just fucking disgusting because I never go that far for them. They get mad at me for being mad or upset then I just become sad because my "friends" become just people when they turn on me when they don't get what they want. So I guess if they get mad it means that they care right? But still you don't fight fire with fire. I'm not wrong for showing emotions and neither are they but I still think they're wrong for dealing with the situation by adding more negativity to an already negative bottle. This is why I hate everyone, they don't even try to make things better then just make them worse and they generalize every situation like every person is the same. Everyone knows that is not true and your friends should know specifically but I guess not. :( My feelings are really hurt today and this time it's not just the situation hitting something deeper, this time it's actually my fucking expectations that I have for the people I call my friends. Fuck you very much.

This Weekend: Roughly Insane.

I'd be nice if the better days were soon to come.  I know everybody has problems but when will it get better. I've been going through some things. I just want to be able to work hard and see that shit pay off. So I've been trying to get a job, networking with people, keeping my grades up in class... I'm making constant efforts to get some progress but nothing.  It's like I'm coming up short. Like I'm not putting enough work in but I'm trying my hardest. I guess I have to try more than my hardest... I'm not going to explain the situation in detail but long story short. I was homeless and I was almost killed (slight exaggeration I just was almost hurt critically).

Aside from all of that I realized some things. Some things such as the ones who are really my friends are. The friends who worry about you when they don't hear from you like they're accustomed to. Those friends who offer you things like help and support when they have barely anything to give/spare. Those friends who take time out of the day to think about you or thank you for something you did previously. Those friends were there.

Something else that I had to realize over this weekend was how many people I have to get rid of. I was already in the process of ridding my life from the Unworthies but now I have some more to add to that list. Just because you don't talk to some friends you used to doesn't mean that you should get rid  of them... timing is everything and maybe it just isn't the right time for them but some other friends HAVE TO GO! I have this friend who calls on my randomly like I'm supposed to be waiting for their call all day, then  they bore me with all this superfluous nonsense for hours and then they get mad at me when I speak my mind. I'm not holding my tongue for anyone and if you want to waste my time I will not waste mine pretending like you've said something that matters. Before I break into a rampage I will wait for a last straw.... or a hint of change, if I don't see change... dismissed.